Michelle gets her courage
by tiamat100
Summary: My idea of what happens after Season 8. Michelle has her memory back, and seems fine, but then she suddenly regresses. Will she recover or will she never remember her past?
1. Chapter 1

Michelle gets her courage

(this is set a few days after Michelle rides again at the end of Season 8)

_**Chapter one-memories that no one believes**_

Michelle is sitting down under a tree. Danny walks over to her. "Are you still getting memories of what happened when you lost your memory?" He asked her sympathetically. "Uh-huh" Michelle nodded. "It was really scary. I mean, I can remember now what it was like. I was surrounded by you guys, my family, but it felt like I was in a whole new world." Danny frowned. The doctor had said that she may be distressed for a while after getting her memory back, but he hadn't imagined that she would be this upset over it. He tried not to worry. It was probably just normal. After all, she'd been through a lot. While they both sat and pondered their own separate worries and problems, the rest of the family came over. "Hey, munchkin, what's up?" Jesse asked. He was trying to sound casual but Michelle could tell that he was really worried. She sighed. "Well, Uncle Jesse, I'm just so confused. I keep thinking back and remembering how I was so scared, surrounded by strangers who kept hugging me and acting weird. I just wanted to remember, but I couldn't. I couldn't remember a thing, and then when I got my memory back I couldn't remember losing it, until now. It's just so confusing!" She pulled a face, trying to hide her true feelings. They'd all gone on a trip to a park, and Michelle had been sitting with her sketchpad. She was quite good at drawing and Becky caught sight of one of the pictures. "Hey, Michelle, that's a great picture. Can I see it?" Michelle held out the sketchpad warily and everyone looked at her picture.

It was very good. It showed a girl holding a horse looking frightened as another horse ran away from the log where another girl lay. It was a picture of her accident, and Jesse was surprised she could draw it so well when she'd been unconscious for most of it. But the strangest part of all was that behind a tree nearby was a girl who looked just like Michelle, but she was conscious and absolutely terrified. DJ pointed to the girl and asked Michelle gently "Who's that?" and Michelle said, as if in a trance." She was scared when we fell, so she hid while I was unconscious. She came back when I took a nap on the day of DJ's prom. She apologised and explained everything to me. Then we hugged and she floated back into me." Michelle shivered and, looking at everyone's shocked faces, asked "What? What did I say?" Danny was even more shocked at that, so he pulled her up and said "We'll tell you later. Right now, you're getting a visit to the doctor".

In the car on the way Michelle was really worried. She couldn't remember anything that should have made everyone turn white like that. She just showed them her picture, and then suddenly they were all staring at her like she was crazy.

Was she crazy? All those nightmares she had couldn't be normal, especially as she'd taken to sleeping with a gag over her mouth so as not to wake the others. Danny had found her with it that morning and had nearly taken her to the doctors then. He'd thought she was trying to strangle herself. Michelle suddenly felt terrified. Did they all think she was crazy? Would they send her to an asylum or something? Stephanie looked at Michelle and saw that she looked scared. She reached over and squeezed Michelle's hand. She was as freaked out as the rest of them, but no one else seemed to care how Michelle was feeling just then. They were too concerned with getting her to the doctors. Just then, a horse was ridden by outside. Michelle saw it and screamed. She just went crazy. She was crying and screaming that she didn't know them, she didn't like horses, she wasn't Michelle taner, she didn't know who she was. She was absolutely terrified now that she'd seen the horse, even though she'd loved them once. Everyone was terrified and DJ and Stephanie tried to console her as the horses rider looked on, concerned. She must have heard Michelle screaming about horses, because she suddenly turned and rode off in the opposite direction. Michelle calmed down visibly, and then suddenly retched. Uncle Jesse, who was sitting in front of her, grimaced as he felt sick sliding down his back. Danny sped up, going as fast as he could without being arrested. They had to get to the doctors quickly. They all thought Michelle was crazy now. Especially as she'd suddenly seemed to lose her memory again…


	2. Chapter 2

_**Michelle gets her courage chapter 2 Rhymes, pictures and hospitals**_

Jesse was standing in front of a sink, washing sick out of his hair. He groaned at the sight of his hair in the mirror. Why hadn't he thought to bring his comb? He took it Scuba diving. He should have brought it now, even if he had only thought he was going to the park.

Danny's head poked in the door. "Jesse? Are you finished yet?" his face was etched with worry and fear. Jesse was suddenly plagued by floods of guilt for worrying about his hair when Michelle was ill. He couldn't shake off the feeling of his hair being messy though, so as they left he said to Danny " uh, Danny-Do you happen to have a comb or something on you?" Danny nearly yelled at him. He was so angry that Jesse could care about his hair at a time like this. But he restrained himself, because he knew that Jesse was just as worried about Michelle as he was. He just silently fished a comb out of his pocket and handed it to Jesse.

They entered the waiting room where Nicky, Alex, Becky, Joey, DJ and Stephanie already were. Michelle was in a separate room with the doctor. He was examining her.

"Michelle?" He said softly "Why do you think you're here?" Michelle blinked. "Oh. Michelle…That's my name, right?" The doctor nodded worriedly. "ummm…What was the question again?" she asked, having forgotten. " I was asking you why you think your family brought you here?" he asked softly. " I don't know. Are they my family? I don't remember. Is that why they brought me here? Because I don't remember?" Michelle looked close to tears as she answered the doctor's question. The doctor asked her some more questions, filling out a form at the same time. Eventually he led her out to where her family were waiting. " Family of Michelle Tanner?" He called out in the crowded waiting room. The whole waiting room std up with worried faces. " ok. Big family. Immediate family, please?" Just like the last time they'd been asked this, everyone stayed standing. "Oh, fine. Come on in, but it will be a squash." Everyone went in as fast as possible. The doctor asked Stephanie and DJ to go with Nicky, Alex and Michelle into an adjoining room. They weren't happy about it, but they could see how upset Michelle was, so they obeyed. " Right" the doctor continued. " I don't know how you'll all take this, but…"

" Cut to the chase, doc, we need to know whats up with Michelle" jesse said impatiently. " Well, Michelle needs medical care. She has lost her memory again , for no apparent reason. She has apparently tried to strangle herself recently. She is absolutely terrified and she needs mental care. I would like to send her to the mental ward at San Francisco's general hospital, but she would be the only child. We could put her in a separate room so there would be no problems. Would that be alright? Michelle desperately needs help."

Danny fainted, and both jesse and Joey urned white. Jesse suddenly retched and threw up, while Joey stuttered " But..but.." Becky was as white as a sheet and felt a tear slide down her face. Michelle, her lovely, friendly, kind, brilliant niece, in a mental ward? It didn't seem possible.

The doctor was surprised at their reactions. Only one of them was the actual parent, he remembered from reading Michelles case history. Her Father was Danny Tanner, her mother Pam tanner, who was dead. Her sisters were Stephanie and Donna Jo tanner. He didn't know who the rest of them were. He decided to ask " er… What relation are each of you to Michelle?" They looked surprised, but Becky answered him. " Well, I'm her aunt, Jesse's her uncle, Danny's her father, Nicky and Alex are her cousins, Stephanie and DJ are her sisters, and Joey's….Well, joeys…..Well, we all live in the same house, anyway." She looked at the doctor. He was shocked that relations most would describe as distant all lived in the same house, as well as one man who was no relation at all. Strange also that they all considered themselves to be Michelle's immediate family.

Danny regained conciousness and looked around. " Michelle…we need to tell Michelle. She'll be so scared…" He half whispered. The doctor called to them. " Michelle? Stephanie? Don-DJ? Nicky? Alex? You can come in now."

Michelle came in first, tears streaming down her face. " Please don't send me away." She whispered. " I won't cause any trouble, I promise. Please don't make me go away!" They were all so upset by hearing her say this that Danny changed his mind and thought she couldn't go away. Jesse felt like his heart was being torn out, seeing his niece like that. Joey was with Danny, thinking they shouldn't let her go to the hospital. Becky was crying but she knew it would be better for them all if Michelle went to the hospital, and only then would she get better.

DJ cried " You can't send her to an asylum, dad!!! She's got her memory back, and she's perfectly fine!" Stephanie nodded. Michelle said " Yeah. You're uncle Jesse. You call me rugrat, shortie and Munchkin. You're Joey. You're a comedian and Uncle Jesse's partner. You're dad, and you're on Wake Up San Francisco with Aunt Becky." She pointed to each one in turn.

They were nearly convinced until Nicky came back in holding a drawing with everyone's names and pictures, and Alex started singing a rhyme going like this :

" Michelle, remember, don't be scared,

Pretend you know when you go I there

Joey is blond, funny and kind,

Uncle Jesse has sick in his hair

Dad has black hair, Aunt Becky has brown

And they present Wake Up San Francisco to the whole town!" Nicky finished with a flourish.

Michelle started crying again. DJ yelled at Nicky " Nicky!!! You wrecked everything!"

Stephanie stayed silent as the adults looked at the pictures of them all and the picture of their house.

Danny said " Oh Michelle, its for the best if you go into hospital. There you can get your memory back and stop being so scared. I would have thought your sisters would understand that. How did you draw this picture and teach her the rhyme so quickly anyway?"

Stephanire spoke up. " Well, I drew the picture at the park. Just for fun. And we started teaching her the rhyme in the car, to try an help her get her memory back. Then when we heard you say she had to go to the mental ward, we came up with this plan. We thought we could trick you and Michelle could come home. I mean, when she lost her memory before that's what she was told to do. Go home."

Danny nodded. "Yeah, why is it different this time?" he asked. The doctor sighed. "Well, it isn't just her memory, although as she's lost her memory twice we need to monitor her. She's obviously very frightened and can lose her memory at the slightest thing. She also seems to have had hallucinations and have forgotten about them as soon as she mentions them."

Becky nodded "It's obviously the best thing we can do. Michelle, you need to go into hospital. It's the only way you'll get better. And girls, I know you don't want Michelle to go into hospital: None of us do. But you're just going to have to let her. Like I said, it's the only way she'll get better. Anyway, DJ, Stephanie, you're old enough to know this. You shouldn't have been silly enough to try and think up that stupid plan."

DJ and Stephanie started crying too as the doctor said "So she's going then?"

Michelle looked hopefully up at Danny, tears falling fast. He was her last hope.

But Danny betrayed her. Turning away from her terrified face he said sadly. "Yes. She'll have to go to hospital".


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3 Strangers and a diary**_

_Michelle's diary_

They told me to start writing a diary , so I did. But I don't know what to write. I don't even know who I am . They said my name was Michelle Tanner, and I was here because I had lost my memory twice and I heard one of them say I was crazy. I don't know why. There were strangers with me earlier who said they were my family. I was in a car and they were driving me to the doctors. The two girls started teaching me a rhyme, telling me who everyone was. When we got to the doctors another stranger asked me lots of questions, before getting my family in and sending me out with those girls and two boys. We overheard them say I had to go to a mental ward and they taught me more. I didn't want to go to more strangers and they didn't want me to either, so they made me memorise who everyone was with a picture and that rhyme. It was hard. I've forgotten all their names now anyway. In fact, the whole thing is fuzzy. They tried to make the adults think I had my memory back, but somehow-I'm not sure how- it didn't work. I was crying but they still sent me here. Now there are more strangers and I don't know who they are. They all told me their names but I can't remember them.

I'm scared. I'm in a small room, in a white bed. The door is locked and theres a nurse sitting right outside. Apparently it's because I tried to kill myself. I don't remember if I did or not. I don't remember anything and its so hard!!!!

They kept asking me questions that I couldn't answer, and then finally they brought me here. That was ages ago.

I don't know how long it's been. One of the strangers who said they were family said they'd fetch my stuff from home. The others went with them.

What home? What stuff? Why do I need it if I can't remember it? I don't understand any of this and its so scary!

I think they'll want to read this. They probably think it will tell them more about what I'm going through. I don't know. I won't let them read it though. Everything I write in it is private, because I don't have anyone to talk to and even if my best friend was in front of me I wouldn't recognise her ( or him) and I couldn't talk to them, because, previous best friend or not, they'd be strangers.

Oh no. One of the strangers is coming over here. I have to hide this. Where though?? Under the bed. No, under the pillow.

It doesn't matter now!! They've come in!

They said they were going to take me to a playroom. Apparently it has books, toys and games. I didn't want to go but I did, so now I'm in here. They're trying to get me to read or play but I don't want to. I'm scared and I don't want to be here. I don't see how being scared will help me get better. If they're trying to force me into getting my memory back by scaring me, its doing no good. I can't remember even though I'm trying really hard.

They're trying to get me to play with toys. I feel silly. I don't remember how old I am, but I think I'm too old for those toys. I'm not sure though. Maybe I'll take a look.

They're arguing over something, the two people in here with me. I'll go see what it is.

I'll write later.

Michelle walked over just as the object one of the nurses was clutching fell to the floor.

It was a tiny model of a horse.

Michelle screamed. She screamed and screamed and they couldn't get her to stop. She broke out in a sweat and screamed as tears rushed down her face. The two nurses rushed to console her, but they were only strangers. They couldn't help her really. She was scared and alone.

She was shrieking and the nurses struggled to hear what she was saying.  
" help horse no please who am I no horses peppermill the contest no please don't know I can't jump the log I only just started jumping why did I enter what did I do horse help help no memory who are they where am I whats going on I'm scared. Help me help me I'm so scared!" She threw up and continued crying, but more quietly " I'm so scared! I was so scared I'm sorry! I can't remember stop don't make me leave I'll be good! I'm so scared please help me!!! Please!!"

She fell unconscious and was carried back to her room.

When she woke the next day she saw 10 faces staring down at her. 8 of them were her family from yesterday, one of them was her doctor. But she didn't know who the other lady was.

She heard the lady she didn't know cry "Look!! She's awake!" as she opened her eyes.

" Who are you?" she whispered. Stephanie cried out " What! Michelle, don't you remember us? If not properly, at least from yesterday!"

Michelle replied slowly "Yes, You said you were my family and you taught me a rhyme. That's my doctor but who are you?" she asked, pointing at the other lady.

"Don't you remember me?" The lady cried out. Michelle shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I don't remember anything except yester day." She answered.

"Oh no, Michelle! It's not your fault. I just wasn't really prepared for it. I'm your grandmother." said Claire.

Michelle hesitated and then said " Can I ask you something?"

" Of course, Michelle. Anything." Claire said, but Danny interrupted

" No, mother, wait- Michelle , it's not what you asked last time you lost your memory, is it? I know you don't remember what you asked before but is it to do with family?" Michelle nodded. " Is it to do with me being your dad in connection with something-or someone-else?" Michelle nodded again. " Is it-" he hesitated " To do with your mother?" Michelle nodded again, surprised.

"Well, Michelle, I'm ver sorry but, your mummy-well-she…she died in a car crash, when you were just a baby. I'm sorry" There were tears in his eyes and Michelles too as she realised she would never know a mother. She couldn't remember that she had a big enough family to make up for no mother. She couldn't remember how much she loved them. She just knew that she had no mother and she would never remember her.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4-No mother, but a loving family**_

Michelle's diary

I was really upset yesterday when I found out I had no mother. I wish I could remember her. I never will, even if I get my memory back. I don't think I'm crazy, so why am I here? I just can't remember, and I doubt I'll remember anything if I'm here. I suppose I may be here because they say I tried to kill myself. I doubt I would have done that, but I can't remember. Who knows what I might have been like? My family might. I can ask them. on't remember my mother. Even before I lost my memory I couldn't. I

I don't know why I feel so sad. I mean, I d never knew her, so why am I so upset? Why do I miss a stranger so much?

I feel sorry for my family. They must care about me a lot, to come by ever day and talk to me for hours. They tell me anything I want to know, but I still can't remember. I had a strange dream though. I was riding a horse. Another girl, who I haven't seen, jumped a log. I headed towards it. I tried to jump it, but my horse reared, and I fell. Just before I blacked out, and woke up, I saw a girl exactly like me hiding behind a tree. I woke up screaming and lots of people rushed in to see what was wrong. They were obviously worried when I descried my dream. I don't know why. Maybe I was remembering part of my past? I don't know.

My family have come to visit me again. I wish I could go home, though I don't know where home is. I'd rather anything then be stuck here in this place where I know no one.

I'm so alone here. I don't know anyone at all, not a bit. I don't know my family either, but at least they know me. I wish I could go back with them.

They've come in now. Before they were out side the door, and I could only see them. Now I'll have to stop writing. They want to talk to me.

Michelle put down her diary and sat up to face her family. "Hello!" she said. "Can I come home with you today? I don't remember yet, but I hate it here. Please let me come back."

Although Michelle had tried to act cheerful, she couldn't stop a tear rolling down her face. She hadn't wanted them to see how lonely and unhappy she was. It made her feel vulnerable. She'd wanted to act cheerful, and make them think there was nothing wrong, except she'd remember better at home. But she couldn't hold back the tears and they rolled increasingly faster down her cheeks.

Jesse was appalled. "That's it. We have to take her home. She won't get her memory back this way. What are they trying to do, frighten her into remembering?" he said decisively. Danny looked at Michelle. Had he made the right decision in sending her here? He suddenly doubted it. He'd thought he was helping her, but now it seemed that he'd just made everything worse. He was about to speak when Joey stepped in. "He's right, Danny. We can't leave her here. She's so upset, so alone. We can't make her stay here with strangers. She obviously hates it and I'm not going to let her stay here!"

Becky, Stephanie and DJ were watching silently. They each thought their separate thought and all came to one conclusion. They wanted her back home.

Each of them looked at Danny with pleading eyes, waiting for him to decide. He was her father, and they had to let him decide. But each of them wished they could just grab her and take her straight home.

Danny looked at Michelle. He wanted so much to take her home with him, it was practically tearing him apart. He wanted her to come back, but he knew the doctors thought she should stay there. He looked at her sad little face, streaming with tears, and knew the doctors had to be wrong. This fear and sadness couldn't be helping her.

" I…I…Oh, Michelle! I want you to come home so much…but….but…well, the doctors think you should stay here. I think they're wrong but-well, I don't know! Oh Michelle, you're coming home. You have to come home, I can't let you stay here.!"

He picked her up in his arms and carried her out through the door. They family walked all the way to reception before being noticed. On of the doctors who was caring for Michelle spotted them. He stopped them from leaving, looking at them crossly. "Michelle isn't ready to leave yet, Mr Tanner! Why are you taking her?"

"You can't hold people against their will, doctor, and Michelle doesn't want to stay. We all think she would be better off at home, so that's where we're taking her!" Danny replied forcefully. The doctor tried to protest. "Mr Tanner, your daughter needs medical care! She can't just leave! You may be denying her health. Michelle needs to stay here, where she can be cared for! After all she's been through; you can't expect her to get better if you just take her home!" Danny hesitated. The doctor was very persuasive. He didn't want Michelle to be ill. He looked at Michelle. He took one look at her tearful, worried face and knew he was doing the right thing. He just wished he could convince the doctor of that. Danny was sure that all he was interested in was adding another case to his file. He didn't care about Michelle, or her happiness. Danny grasped her tighter. "Look, Michelle is my daughter. I know how she feels. She's all alone, with no one who really cares about her. You don't care about her as a person; to you she's just another patient. She won't get better with care like that! Now, excuse me. You're in my way, and I'm trying to leave your little torture house!"

The doctor stared at him wordlessly as he carried Michelle out side, followed closely by the other grinning members of the family.

Back at home, Michelle hugged them each in turn. She didn't remember them as family, but she knew they loved her and she hugged them as friends. They were please. Last time Michelle had lost her memory she'd thought of them as strangers until she'd got her memory back.

Michelle stomach grumbled loudly and she blushed. "Sorry. The hospital food wasn't very nice. I haven't eaten much. I haven't had much of an appetite anyway. I just suddenly felt hungry!"

Joey laughed. He was so glad that Michelle was happier that he did his Bullwinkle impression, while Danny started cooking.

An hour later, they'd finished eating and everyone was much happier. Michelle yawned. "er…wheres my bed? I'm tired." She said.

Stephanie and DJ laughed and showed her up. Luckily they'd taken down the horse posters she'd had above her bed. They'd taken them away when she got her memory back, in case thy upset her. Now they were glad they had.

Michelle lay down in her comfy bed. She was relaxed and happy, but she couldn't sleep. Joey, Jesse, Danny and Becky suddenly came in. Nicky and Alex were in bed already. "Hey, Michelle, we thought you might sleep easier if we sang you a bed time song" Becky said. "Please do!" Michelle smiled. Jesse, Joey and Danny were enthusiastic and quickly launched into the song "I wanna be your teddy bear".

Michelle snuggled down into her bed and drifted off to sleep as the guys were singing. She slept peacefully, dreaming of teddy bears with the heads of her family. She was sleeping without nightmares for the first time in days. She was suddenly back in her room, sleeping on her bed. She stood up and looked around. She couldn't remember anything. "Oh, I wish I could remember!" she said exasperated.

A voice came from behind. "I can help you with that." Michelle whirled around.

Standing behind her was a girl, wearing her pyjamas, with her face, her hair-they looked exactly alike! Michelle was shocked. "Who are you?" She cried.  
"Shhh! Not so loud! This isn't a dream, you know. They'll hear you!" the girl whispered. "I'm your memory. I'm also your conscience. I'm a lot of other things too, but those are my main jobs. I'm half of you!" Michelle was surprised, but even more angry. "What! You're my memory, ad you just leave me at random moments to go and do whatever you please! I've been in a mental ward because of you!! They thought I was crazy because of you!!! Oh, I hate you! You stupid memory!! Why can't you stay with me, instead of running off all the time?"

Michelle's memory looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry Michelle! I was scared! That's why I left you the first time, when you fell. Then when I helped you remember what happened when I wasn't there, and our conversation, they thought you were crazy. I was scared, but I held on. I didn't think anything would come out of it. The I saw-we saw- that horse. I was so scared, Michelle! I couldn't stay! I ran as far away as possible. I'm sorry." Michelle was shocked to see a tear run down her memory's face. But by now she couldn't control her anger. "What kind of memory are you anyway? No one else's memory runs off like that!! What are you, some kind of drop-out from memory school?"

Michelle's memory was shocked. She couldn't stop crying. "I'm sorry, Michelle! I'm a rubbish memory! I know I am! I shouldn't have left you. But I was scared! I'm like the cowardly lion, but for me its worse! Everything I do affects your life, and if I get scared, you'll forget! I don't mean to cause trouble, I'm just scared! Please forgive me!" Michelle's heart went out to her. Memory or not, scared or brave, this girl was just trying to do her best. Unfortunately, now Michelle's conscious wasn't affecting her, she couldn't control her anger. After all, this girl was wrecking her life. Why should she be nice to her?

"You're wrecking my life!!! Every one thinks I'm mad because of you. I don't remember anything because of you. I keep getting scared for no reason because of you! I love horses, and I don't want to live my whole life terrified! I wish I could get a new memory! One who was brave, who didn't leave, and remembered my past better then you do! I wish!!!! I hate you!!! You're a stupid stupid coward who doesn't care who she hurts. You're hurting me and my family. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

DJ and Stephanie both woke up to this. As they were opening their eyes, they heard another voice, just like Michelle's, reply " Alright Michelle. I'll leave. You won't remember anything!! You're right. I ruin everything. I'll come back when I'm good enough to suit you, shall I?"

There was a pop and Michelle cried out in anger. "She's gone! Now I'll just forget all over again!" DJ sat up. She was trembling as she looked at Michelle's trembling body. "Michelle? Stephanie and I heard that." Michelle gasped. She started sobbing harder. "I guess you think I'm crazy, huh? Just like everyone does. Just like does stupid doctors do! Well, I'm not!! It's my stupid memory who's crazy!! She's such a stupid idiot!!!"

DJ hesitated. "Michelle? We heard her too. At least I did. I'm not entirely sure what I heard but a voice, just like yours, but sounding tired and strained, said she was leaving. Then there was a pop and you cried out. Michelle, if you're crazy, so am I."

"And me" Stephanie said. "I'm old enough to know better then memories being people, but I think this is an extremely weird dream. I'm dreaming this, and you two are just characters in my dream. "

Michelle smiled. "Thanks, guys. I love you two. I remember everything now, but I'll have forgotten it by the morning. Without my memory, the memories she gave me back will just fade. Good night. You're the best sisters in the world."

Michelle went back to sleep, closely followed by DJ and Stephanie.

The next morning, both DJ and Stephanie remembered the strange dream they had had the night before. They didn't mention it though. It was just silly. Michelle couldn't remember a thing.

They made her a normal breakfast, and everyone was acting as normal as possible. Jesse started talking about a dream he'd had where his hair had all been chopped off, and the stubble that remained was filthy and in chunks. Danny laughed. "You know, I heard someone yelling last night. Was it you, Jesse, after your nightmare?" he laughed. Jesse frowned. "Hey! I did not yell." To change the subject , Stephanie said "I had a really weird dream last night. I woke up and Michelle was yelling at her memory, who was a real person. Her memory got angry and said she was leaving, and then there was a loud pop. The girl disappeared, and DJ and I talked to Michelle. She was crying because she thought we'd only heard her. She said she wasn't crazy, but her memory was, and then we comforted her and told her we'd heard her memory too. Then she hugged us and warned us that she wouldn't remember in the morning. It was really weird. But in a way, I wish it were true."

DJ gasped "That's what I dreamt too!" They stared at Michelle. She shrugged. "I dreamt you guys were all Teddy Bears."

Everyone laughed, but Stephanie and DJ's laughs were fake. Was it true? Had everything that had happened been real? Michelle really loved them, and thought they were the best? She really had a cowardly memory?

They weren't sure, but Stephanie and DJ had a feeling that it was true. They wished it wasn't, but they were also glad it was. After all, at least if they both remembered it it was unlikely they were mad.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5-Michelle's memory tries to be brave**_

_No one can see me. I'm scared. I have to get courage, or I won't be able to go back to Michelle. She must be scared. I'm her courage as well as her conscience and memory, so she must be so scared!! Its like the cowardly lion, but far worse. My job is to be someone's courage, and I have none!! If Michelle ever does a school play of the Wizard of Oz, she could easily be the cowardly lion when I'm around!_

_I'm standing two miles away from her riding stables. It's the furthest I can make myself go. Michelle may be better off without me, but I miss her. She has some courage on her own. I influence everything she's scared of, even when I'm not there. So because I'm still afraid of horses, so is she. It feels strange referring to her as a different person like this. Normally we're both the same person. But now she's half of Michelle, and I'm the other half. We're separated, and if I can't find some courage, it could be forever. If only there was a Wizard to give me some courage!_

_But really, the cowardly lion found his own courage, by saving Dorothy. Now I have to find my own courage by saving the other half of me. The thing is, without Michelle, I'm just an invisible spirit type of thing. And Michelle is the real person one. _

_She can survive without me, but I can't survive without her. I'm meant to have the courage, but instead, she does. She can make her own decisions and have a conscience on her own. The only thing she needs me for is her memory, but I need her too live. She doesn't know it. She doesn't even know I exist. She's forgotten now, but I saw her sisters. They know I exist, and they'll only forget if I go back to Michelle. I could just end up causing even more trouble. I'm so scared. There are no horses here, but I can't make myself go any nearer to the stables. Maybe I should start by looking at pictures of horses instead. The only place I know for that is Michelle's room, but they've moved the pictures. Maybe they're in the garage. I'll go back and check. _

_I found the box they're in. Michelle's horse posters, all her riding things, anything she owns that mentions horses. They're in these two boxes. I'm scared. Michelle's inside the house. If she comes near me, people will be able to see me. She'll remember and she'll hate me again. Now I'm scared of that as well as horses. I'm so scared. I'm meant to be Michelle's courage, yet I'm scared of stuff she loves. In fact I've always been a little wary of horses. Now I'm terrified of them. I tried to go back o Michelle before, at the hospital. I'm scared of hospitals too, so it was really scary. I jumped back into her just as one of the people there dropped a model of a horse. I saw it and I went crazy, I jumped straight back out of Michelle ad ran as far away as possible. I have to get some courage. If only I was still in Michelle. Then it would be far easier. She always makes me feel brave. I could try to find her and get her to help-no. I have to do this on my home. If I'm meant to be her courage, I can't say she's braver without me then she is with me. I have to do this on my own. Oh, but I'm so scared! Once I've got courage, I can control what she remembers a little. I can make her forget that I exist, and ask DJ and Stephanie's memories to do the same. None of their memories like me, but I think they will once I'm braver. They all think I'm a disgrace to the name Memory. _

_I am a disgrace. I run off al the time, I rely on the courage of the person who I am meant to be the courage for, I don't do well as her conscience at all. I'm the worst memory in the history of worst memories! I mean, I'm quite good at remembering things-when I'm there! I just get so scared. I think I'm Michelle's temper as well. Normally, she would have seen how upset I was (if I was a different person) and comforted me. This time she just yelled at me. I guess I deserved it though. I mean, I caused her to forget her family, end up in a mental ward, and be absolutely terrified for ages! I need to get my courage. Now all I need to do is open this box._

_I can't do it._

_I'm such a wimp! Michelle needs me and I'm too scared to open a box? I have to do this. After all, the cowardly lion faced witches and possible death for Dorothy. I can open a box for Michelle._

_Can't I? _

_Ok. Take a deep breath. That's it. I need Michelle! No. The lion did it with scarecrow and Tin man. I need DJ and Stephanie's memories to help! I'll do it tonight. Open a box. A simple cardboard box. They love Michelle as her sisters, even if they despise me. If its for Michelle they might help. I hope. _

_No. I'll open the box on my own. Tonight, I'll go to the stables. I can open a simple box on my own, surely. Its just a box, with a few pictures and things inside. Ok. I'm opening it. _

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HORSES HORSES HORSES HORSES horses horses horses horses horses horses _ horses horses horses horses horses calm down think michelle be brave come on you can do it calm down._

_Take a deep breath. Ok. I can't do this!! No. I have to do this. For Michelle. Yes. Ok. I'll pick up the poster. I'm picking up the poster. I can't look! Yes I can. I'm turning it round. HORSE HORSE michelle michelle. Calm down keep looking ok. I have to keep looking its ju8st a picture it can't hurt me. It can't come alive. It can't hurt me. Ok. A photo. I'll look. PEPPERMILL!! HORSE DROPPED ME MICHELLE PEPPERMILL NO!! calm down calm down for michelle. You love peppermill, remember? At least Michelle does, and as michelle is you, you love him too. Ok. I'm not scared. I'm not scared. Ok. Peppermill didn't mean it. Ok. I'm calm. _

_Wait. Someone's outside! It's Michelle! They'll see me! I have to hide! She hates me. Oh no where can I hide? There!_

_They saw me! I was too late. They saw me. Dad's coming over to see. He looks confused. He doesn't believe there are 2 halves of Michelle. At least if they see me they won't think she's crazy anymore. _

_He's looking at me. Michelle's behind him. She's remembering now I'm here, but she doesn't look angry. _

"_Who-who are you?" Dad stutters. I stammer back "DAD!! Oh wait. I'm Michelle's memory. She hates me!" he looks too shocked for words at realising that I'm real, but Michelle speaks "Oh, I don't hate you! I was just angry and upset. After all, I couldn't remember anything, and you could! Hey, I'm remembering again! Is it because you're here?" I nod. Danny regains his voice " So. You really exist? I'm not imagining things? You're Michelle's memory? You're a separate person?"_

"_Well, dad, normally we're the same person, but my memory got scared and keeps running off. She can't help it. She was trying to get her courage back dad, look, She's been looking through my horse stuff!" Michelle tells him. " Did you do that for me?" I nodded and began shaking again with fear. I was scared she'd be cross again. She smiled even more. "Michelle! You called me dad! You can remember! Oh Michelle! Give me a hug!" dad cried joyfully. We both reached in for a hug. We laughed as we collided. Dad looked a bit put out. He'd obviously only meant for Michelle to hug him, not her memory. I felt like I was going to cry. He only thought of Michelle as his daughter, not her memory. A tear rolled down my face. _

_Suddenly the door opens. Joey, Uncle Jesse, Aunt Becky, DJ and Stephanie all come in. They look shocked when they see me next to Michelle. " I'd better go." I told Michelle. "You don't want me around. I'll just get scared and run off again! I'm meant to be your courage as well as your memory, but I don't have any courage at all, Michelle! In fact, I'm meant to be your courage, and you have more courage then me on your own! You're better off without me. None of you think of me as Michelle anyway, even though I'm the one who remembers how much I love you guys! Michelle will just forget again when I'm gone!" I disappear, appearing out side the garage to eavesdrop. _

_Michelle says "Oh no! She's upset! She's part of me and she's not even a real person without me! I can't remember without her, she needs me for a body. You all normally hug us both at the same time; just we're normally in one body! She was obviously hurt because you only hugged me, dad. I'm already forgetting and she's only just gone!" she's crying. I hide as she rushes out through the door and up to her room. I feel really bad. I'm not her conscience for nothing. She is me, so she can feel what I feel. That's why she's upset. I want to go after her, but I wait to eavesdrop on the others. "Whoa, what was all that about? Why were there two Michelle's and where did the transparent one go?" Uncle Jesse asked, sounding worried. "I mean, you did all see her, right? I didn't imagine her, did I?" _

_Danny sighed. "That was Michelle's memory, and courage. She's like the cowardly lion only a lot worse. She's so scared! I feel so sorry for her. It sounds crazy, but she's part of Michelle. I hugged Michelle because she called me dad, but I didn't hug her memory. Her memory thinks of me as her dad, and called me dad, but I didn't hug her. She just didn't seem like Michelle. She wasn't even a real person, when she tried to hug me I felt that. She was hardly there, just like touching warm air or something. But I could see her and I upset her. Now Michelle won't remember anything!"_

_DJ and Stephanie said in unison "So it was true!" They looked at each other in surprise, then DJ continued. "We each dreamed last night that Michelle and her memory had an argument. It was real! I thought I was crazy, or it was a dream. Obviously it wasn't."_

_I listened at the door while they said this. Now Joey speaks. "Poor kid. (Popeye impression) that girl needs some spinach to toughen her up!" I laugh, stifling it as much as I can. They can't hear me anyway. Michelle isn't there. Maybe it's Michelle I need to talk to. _

_I'll go and see if she wants me to join her. _


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6-Michelle needs courage too**_

_Michelle's diary_

I still can't remember a thing. I also can't remember anything that happened in the last five minutes! I remember shouting about a memory then storming of. Then I just lay down and cried. I can't stop crying, even though can't remember why I was crying. Now I'm crying because although these people are my friends now, I don't know who I am, what I'm like, even who they are really. I just wish I could remember.

At the moment, I know my name is Michelle Tanner. I could create a new personality for myself, become whoever I want to be. But people would remember how I was before and it wouldn't work. They all want me to remember and be who I used to be.

Uncle Jesse's outside the door. I'll see what he wants.

Jesse knocked on the door. He waited, tapping his toe impatiently. He was holding his guitar. "Munchkin? You in there?" he asked.

Michelle opened the door. "Hi. Who's munchkin?" she asked. Jesse said "Oh, have you forgotten again?" Michelle nodded. " Well, munchkin is a name I like to call you sometimes. I also call you rugrat and shortie." Michelle giggled. " I guess you call me them in a nice way, but they don't sound that great!" Jesse smiled. " Well, see Michelle, its all part of our special relationship. I've known you since the day you were born. You smiled at me. The nurse said it was just wind, but I didn't believe it. I even wrote a song about you once. When you were only a little baby. Wanna hear it?" Michelle nodded.

Jesse began to sing and play his guitar:

_Michelle's at home, the cats are purring, _

_She doesn't know what worry is _

_She's safe and warm , and she's not sorry, _

_She doesn't know what sorry is_

_Michelle's smiling_

_Michelle's smiling_

_Michelle's smiling_

_(Long instrumental on guitar)_

_Michelle smiling_

_The news is on, _

_And Michelle's laughing, _

_Can't make sense of what the pictures show, _

_She knows no fear, she keeps on laughing, _

_If we could only know what Michelle knows,_

_Michelle's smiling_

_Michelle's smiling_

_Michelle's smiling_

Michelle smiled. "Michelle's smiling again now, Uncle Jesse! That was a lovely song!" She told him.

Jesse smiled too. "Great." They hug. Michelle sighs. "I just wish I could remember, Uncle Jesse!"

"Well, I'll tell you anything you want. Like when I sang that song to you before, you were only a baby and you were upset because your new best friend Howie had to go back to Nebraska. You just kept repeating Howie. I sang this to you to try and cheer you up. You smiled. Then you just carried on saying "Howie. Howie. Where's Howie?" In the end, we showed you a tape that your Aunt Becky made of him talking to you at the airport before he left. That cheered you up." Michelle laughed. "It would be so cool if I still knew him. Wait, do I still know him? My first best friend?"

"Well, now Aunt Becky is your aunt, I'm sure you could contact him any time." Jesse smiled. He'd obviously managed to cheer Michelle up, even if he was still sad that she'd forgotten again.

Michelle knew he must still be upset. "Even though I don't remember you guys as my family, I still know you're my family, and I still feel like you're my family. I wish I could remember, but we have to make the most of our lives, which means we can't sit around wishing I'd remember!" She told him. "Hey, I know. Its just hard seeing you like this again, just when we thought you were better. Anyway, I'd better get going. I still have to check the band for the Smash Club. What will you do?" Michelle grinned. "Oh, I'm just going to sit around wishing I could remember!" She laughed as Jesse threw a cushion at her and gave her a hug as he left the room.

Michelle stopped acting cheerful. She sat down. "Ok, I'm a hypocrite-I WISH I HAD MY MEMORY BACK!" she said wistfully.

"I think I can help" came a timid, scared voice. Michelle turned around. She felt a smile appear on her face. "Hey!" She greeted her memory. Her memory gulped, looking completely terrified. "Look-I-I Please- please can I come back? Can we be one person again? I-well-I miss everyone and I miss being you. Please don't be angry.

I don't mean to be scared. Please let me come back!" as she finished, Michelle's memory cowered back away from Michelle. Michelle felt guilty for scaring and upsetting her so much. "Of course you can come back! In fact, I should be begging you to come back. I've been so mean to you. You can't help being scared. I want us to be one person again too. Hug?"

Michelle's memory smiled. "Hug!" She answered. They hugged each other and Michelle stood ready for her memory to come back. But Michelle's memory hesitated. "Are you sure? You don't hate me? Are you sure-!" Michelle interrupted.

"Of course I'm sure, you're part of me, now hurry up!" She cried out impatiently. Michelle's memory smiled and jumped back into Michelle. Michelle grinned. "Now how should I tell them?" she wondered.

An hour later, Michelle heard her Uncle Jesse come back. She knew the whole family was there now. She'd go and tell them.

Michelle headed downstairs. To her surprise she saw Steve. "Steve!" she said in surprise. "I thought-oh no wait. You went to DJ's prom with her after I lost my memory the first time. Sorry, I forgot. But why aren't you eating?" Steve dropped his pizza slice. "You remember me?" He asked, shocked. Michelle groaned. "Oh no! I was going to tell everyone in a special way. Now I guess you'll just tell them I got my memory back!" Steve grinned. "Hey, not necessarily. I'll let you tell them. After all, I'm not family. You just go tell them however you want to." Michelle thanked him and walked into the kitchen, where everyone was talking. She stopped outside to listen. "I feel so bad for the poor kid." Uncle Jesse was saying. "She keeps remembering, then forgetting over and over because her memory is scared. It sounds silly, but I feel bad for her memory as well. I mean, imagine being that scared if you're meant to be someone's courage. It must be awful. I'm just so worried for them both, even though they're both really just Michelle. Oh, this is so confusing!" he groaned. Michelle walked in. "Hi guys" she said. She paused. She didn't know how she was going to say this. "I have a small question for you" she said.

"Shoot" Joey said. Michelle took a deep breath, knowing that just saying these words would be scary. It would also make them realise she had her memory back, as well as the fact she wanted to know the answer. She started, saying it all in a rush "What happened to Peppermill after I fell off?" she asked. They stared at her. Becky was the first to speak. "Michelle, we didn't tell you about Peppermill. We told you that you fell from your horse, but we didn't say his name. How do you know that?" Michelle shrugged. "I guess the cowardly lion met The Wizard." She answered. Joey shrieked with Delight "She's got her memory back! Now wait. We have to test her. Now Michelle, what is my favourite type of television show?" Michelle rolled her eyes. "Give me a hard one next time, will you? You like cartoons, especially Yogi and Popeye. Also you like Bullwinkle, and you do a great Bullwinkle impression."

Joey screamed "She remembers!" Danny stepped in. He wanted to check for himself. "What is my favourite thing to do?" He asked her quickly. "Honestly, do you think I'm stupid? Cleaning. You do it non-stop dad! A baby would know that! Even someone who'd just recovered her memory would know that!" she laughed. Jesse smiled. "Its so good to hear that. Still, sorry Michelle, I just have to check. You could have picked that up since you've been here. What is my most prized possession?" Michelle hugged him. "Your blow-dryer, DUH! Now stop asking me stuff, hug me, and answer my question!" everyone reached in to hug her at once. They all got squashed but they hugged anyway. When they let go Michelle asked again "So, What happened to Peppermill, dad?"

"Well, he ran off after you fell, but when we arrived Elizabeth ran and caught him. He's at the stables. Why are you asking?" Michelle gulped. Saying this was terrifying, but she could do it. She wasn't sure if she could go through with what she said. "Well, I want to go and see him. I know I'll be scared, but I have to. I don't want to live my life in fear of horses when I love them so much!" She finished and felt ill. She was terrified.

"Are you sure? You won't get scared? You really want to do this?" Danny asked.

Michelle nodded. "Well, why don't we take you tomorrow? No riding though. You're just seeing him. And no running off this time!" Jesse told her.

Michelle was terrified. She wasn't sure she wanted to do this. Both parts of her were terrified. One half at the actual horses, one half in case her memory ran off again. But she gathered her courage and nodded.

They spent the evening talking. Michelle was terrified. That night she had a nightmare that she fell again and never got her memory back.

When the morning came, she was terrified. But she knew she had to cope with it. She got dressed.

She was ready to go. But would she still be alright afterwards?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7-Horses, courage and a friend

_**Chapter 7-Horses, courage and a friend**_

_A/N-Sorry for the delay in updating, it's because of this terrible evil called Writers Block. Anyway, I don't own Full House, Please enjoy the story, and please review!_

Michelle sat in the car staring out the window. She'd woken up that morning after an awful nightmare when she had fallen off Peppermill, lost her memory twice, then finally decided to go and see Peppermill. Her nightmare had ended just as they decided she'd go the next day. She woke up that morning, relieved that it had all been a dream. Then Jesse walked in. "Are you sure you're ready, munchkin?" he asked softly.

"It wasn't a nightmare, was it? I really did lose my memory! And-And-i-I'm going….to see…Peppermill?" Jesse nodded, concerned. He didn't think she should go to the stables. He decided to try and talk her out of it. It was far too soon to be facing something she was so terrified of. "Look, Michelle, maybe you shouldn't go. I mean, you only just got your memory back, and I don't want you to be scared again. Michelle…" He stopped. Michelle was as white as a sheet. He held out his arms to give her a hug. "Oh, Michelle! I'm sorry. I just don't want you to be upset and scared again." Jesse apologised. Michelle smiled weakly at him, trying to muster the strength to speak. "Uncle Jesse, I _have _to go. I need to get over my fears. I can't spend my whole life terrified of something I used to love! Something I still love, if I could only stop being scared. I know you care about me, and you don't want me to get hurt, mentally or physically, but I need to do this. I need to try and get control of myself and gain some courage. Please Uncle Jesse. Let me go." Jesse frowned. He understood that Michelle needed to go, but he didn't want her to get hurt-in any way. Jesse wanted her to stay safe and happy. He didn't want his special little munchkin to be scared or upset. But he knew that she needed to recover from this. He sighed. "Alright, munchkin. I won't try and stop you from going. And I won't tell your dad what happened either. None of us want you to get hurt, and I know if I tell Joey or your dad they won't want you to go either. So go get dressed. It will be okay, munchkin. Don't worry. We'll all be there for you." Michelle smiled, gave him a hug and ran to get ready.

Jesse, left alone in the room, felt like crying. His little niece had changed so much since he'd first started looking after her and her sisters. She'd grown up so much. She was so much smarter now, but she was still a scared little girl. Jesse wanted more then anything to make everything alright, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing but let her take this terrifying and awful risk.

Michelle was in the bathroom. She breathed deeply to get control over herself. She drank some water and felt the colour returning to her cheeks. She had to do this. It was the only way to get life back to normal.

When she went down for breakfast she looked fine, and Jesse even wondered if he'd mistaken how scared she'd looked.

Eventually they went out to the car, and Michelle was again sitting behind her Uncle Jesse.

They set off. Danny doubted Michelle was ready for this.

She was so scared of horses, and he didn't want her to be scared, or lose her memory again. After all the weird stuff that had happened he wasn't even sure what was real anymore.

But, nevertheless, he drove her to the stables. The stables had been closed that day, but Danny had rung up and arranged for them to come over. He thought it would be better for Michelle to be there without a big crowd anyway.

Finally they arrived. Michelle shakily got out of the car. She was terrified, but a part of her was eager to see the horses again. She tried to calm down. At the moment she was scared of the idea of horses. She was making herself more scared then she needed to be. She hadn't even seen any horses yet!

So she tried to calm down as she walked, with her family, towards the stable block.

She heard a whinny. Her stomach flipped over and she fought to keep her breakfast down.

She walked slowly over to the stable. She looked at all the horses as she passed, but didn't stop until she reached the door that said "Peppermill."

She looked inside and Peppermill whinnied. He came to the door and stuck his head out. Michelle went white but didn't faint or leave. She tentatively reached out a hand.

"Hi, peppermill." She whispered. Gradually the color came back to her cheeks as she stroked him.

Her family stood and watched quietly. Each of them felt a bundle of different feelings: Relief, happiness, proudness, love, and a little bit of fear. _(A/N-I know Proudness isn't a word. Sorry. I couldn't think of another one so I made up one.)_

None of them noticed as the Riding instructor walked up to them. Michelle was very surprised when she spoke. "Hello, Michelle. I understand you've had a pretty rough time of it lately." Michelle nodded.

"Would you like to feed Peppermill a treat?" she asked. Michelle nodded and blushed.

"Sorry, I forgot to bring any." She looked down as she spoke.

The instructor laughed. "That's ok. I happen to have some Polo's on me." And she produced a pack of Polo's out of her pocket, giving Michelle one.

Michelle placed it on her hand and tentatively held out her hand to Peppermill. She tensed as his lips brushed her hand, but other then that it was fine.

She stroked Peppermill a while longer, still scared but not as much. Michelle stroked him until most of her fears were gone.

Then the riding Instructor cleared her throat. "Michelle, would you like to bring Peppermill out to the field?" she asked.

Michelle went pale but nodded. She ran to fetch the leading rope.

Soon she was back, and she began leading Peppermill out of his stable and into his field.

She was terrified. She clutched the rope as hard as she could, not wanting to lose hold on it.

Then suddenly Joey cried out. He'd fallen over and got his leg caught in the wire fencing. He was crying out loudly for help because the wire was cutting into his leg. Michelle turned to look as Peppermill suddenly bucked. Michelle screamed as he pulled away from her and reared, his legs flying above her head.

She screamed and fainted, falling on the ground right in Peppermill's path!


End file.
